So I’m sitting here trying to make summer plans for my kids,
when a story pops up on my Facebook page about a father that whooped his
daugters for posting a video* of themselves “twerkin”. The father wound up in jail for his punishment and the subsequent posting of that video* also. A friend of mine started a long conversation
via Facebook about whether or not this father's punishment was right. I found myself lost in the conversation and
essentially abandoned my summer planning (thankfully I have a few months to
go).
A lot of things were said in favor of the father’s actions
and many things to counter those points (mostly from me). It was difficult for me to hold my tongue (in
a matter of speaking) about this subject. I am Mom to three amazing
children. All I could think of when I
watched these videos was my own children.
I could not help but try to put myself in the position of the parent
whose child would disrespect herself, her friends, and her church in this way. I could just feel my blood boiling and the
screams raging inside of me. And then… I
watched the video of the father’s supposed reaction. This man proceeded to discipline his children
by taking a cord from the television and spanking his teenage daughters. Each daughter took her turn hunkered down in
the corner screaming as her father spanked her.
The video was actually too much for me to watch. I did not need to watch the entire video
because I recently saw Django in the
theaters. Remember the scene when Django
took a whip and beat his former overseers. Yeah, think of that. That’s how far
back this father had to reach to get a full swing on his daughters.
This is how I feel about the girls’ crude dance. They were disrespecting themselves and the church that they were dancing in. I want them to know that they are children of God. They do not have to flaunt their “stuff” for all the world to see in order to be counted as wonderful. I wonder if their parents ever explained this to them; if they ever express to them how wonderful they think they are. Secondly, the Church is the House of God. I wonder if they have been taught that the church is place of worship, not desecration.
As for the father of these girls. I think he fell victim to a moment of
weakness and the devil won. The devil was about to make him give in
to his anger and release a storm of violence on his children that they did not
deserve and that landed him in jail. He injured his children
(according to police reports, not me).
He embarrassed his children (by posting a video of his “discipline” on
the internet).
For me, the issue is the love that a parent shows for their
child. When going public with how we
feel, it should uplift our children, not tear them down. This man tore his
children down to mere things, not precious gifts from God. Jesus is our example. He loved unconditionally.
After engaging in that conversation on Facebook about this
situation, I was compelled to do some studying.
I dug into The Word like a fiend.
I wanted to know what God has to say about fathers, tempers, and
self-control. There was a ton of
scriptures to be found.
A few that I found and how I relate them to this situation:
1.
Colossians
3:21“fathers do not provoke your
children….” Don’t embarrass your kids in a public manner; one that can
never be taken back.
2.
Proverbs
25:28 “A man without self-control is
like a city broken into and left without walls.” Now this family is broken,
without its protective walls – ie their DAD!
3.
Ephesians 4:2 “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one
another in love…” Showing love to
your child does not mean beating them to a pulp and telling them that they
should not do something. Being patient
with a child is taking the time to teach them and reteach them over and over
again.
4.
Titus
1:7-8 “For an overseer, as God's steward, must be
above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or
violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled,
upright, holy, and disciplined.” This was one of the most poignant verses
to me. This verse does not say that the
subordinate should be all of these things.
This verse is geared toward the overseer (in this case, the
parent). Children cannot be expected to
act with self-control all of the time; they are children. They constantly require reminders and lessons
to learn. It is the job of the parent to
teach them these things; mostly by setting an example. This dad should have shown self-control and
discipline. What is the lesson that his
girls learned after his childish outburst?
5.
1 Timothy 2:8 “I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy
hands without anger or quarreling” … This man should have been seeking God
in prayer for this situation. It is also
acceptable for a parent to seek outside help when his/her child is out of
hand. Sometimes we just need a little
help.
6.
The proverbs are full of warnings about having a
quick temper. (Proverbs 14:17, 14:29, 15:18, 29:11 to list a few)
As parents, it’s our duty to stay calm and evaluate
situations with wisdom. Children throw
tantrums and act quickly. If we react as
children do, we are on their level, not above where we need to be.
*I would post the videos in question, but they’re pretty
graphic and I’m choosing not to endorse that nonsense.
wow, this is really well done and brings up really important points for parents/guardians, not just fathers. i didn't know about the video and i wish there was a link only so i can gain a better understanding of it all, although you do a pretty good job of describing it. i don't think you posting it would be you endorsing it at all, btw, it's a source and you can make it clear. but again, thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you, but you already know that. I am proud of you striving so hard as a young parent to want to get this parenting thing right in the eyes of the Lord. I have been a parent over 50 years and it took me many years to gain the biblical knowledge you've acquired in your short period of time. I know our culture has a lot of influence over how parents parent but that should not keep us from using the Word as our guide. Thank you for sharing your skills and experience, especially with young parents who may not realize they are going in the wrong direct discipling their children. I thank you for not posting the video of the father. I think we all know what it would look like just from viewing our normal media. I certainly would not want to view it. You and your hubby are a credit to your parents. Your children will definitely rise up and call you "blessed."
ReplyDeleteYour viewpoints are very well written. Thank you. Thank you even further for noting where the Word of God stands on this and many other situations. It is always best, as you have done, to refer to God's word. So often we choose to give our opinions vs. simply stating what the Word has to say. Your thoughtful research is appreciated and a great reminder to seek God before being quick to anger.
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